SAY WHAT YOU MEAN & MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!

Let's begin with an understanding. What we perceive we project out to others. Communication, we do it all day every day. The language we use towards others and ourselves is what we start to believe and own as the truth, both consciously and unconsciously.

We communicate to get what we want, to share an opinion, to ask questions, to understand and more often then not just to hear the sound of our own voices.

Stop, just for a moment and think about the number of times you state the obvious in so many situations to the point that you don't even notice the language and words.

Have you noticed that when we answer the phone either in the middle of the night or very early in the morning, usually by saying "Hello", this is followed by the caller saying, "Are you awake?" Have you ever said "Hello" out loud in your sleep? It seems that the callers have many references for this which would explain why they need assurance that you are awake and not talking in your sleep. Interesting.

We communicate, on a regular basis, language to ourselves that would offend us if we heard the same words from others. The mind does not know that you are joking, for example, when you drop something and you say, "You idiot," or "You loser," or "I'm so clumsy". The mind will hear these words as truth and it will soon adopt these 'truths' as acceptable behaviour or an acceptable identity.

Another subconscious behaviour involves the language we say to ourselves or to our partners immediately after waking up in the morning. The alarm goes off; we look at the clock and then think back to what time we went to bed. Then we calculate how many hours we have been sleeping. Then we say, "I've only had ... hours of sleep". We then proclaim, "I am going to be tired today." You would have to agree that this is not the most powerful statement to start the day. There are others who wake up and say, "Any day above ground is a great day." The key is to set the day up with a winning statement.

Not listening to language starts at a very early age. Take for example the following words of two favourite children's nursery rhymes.

A bed time favourite: "Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle and all".

We are under the assumption that the rhyme 'Rock-a-bye-baby' will make the baby relaxed and sleepy. However once the baby starts to understand language, this rhyme will soon have the opposite reaction. The baby will be having nightmares from the fear of being placed in a tree on a weak branch and any sudden air movement may cause them to come crashing to the ground. And you used to think rhymes were harmless.

And another fun favourite: "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again".

This was to be a fun passage, yet the language also leaves the child with the memory of Humpty Dumpty in pieces and never being able to be put back together again. I am also curious to what part the King's horses contributed to the team attempting to put Humpty back together again.

Nursery rhymes are just another example of how we often take language for granted and don't stop to listen to the words and their meaning.

Language is also important when we require some specific action to take place when communicating to others. Most of the time when you ask someone, "Can you do… for me?" Their response is, "Sure, no problem". What is happening internally is, they ask themselves 'Can I do ... for the person asking? 'Their mind responds, 'Sure, I can do that. However, they most likely will choose not to do as they have other things that are more important to them.

If you ask someone, "Would you do ...," or, "Could you do...," they are put in a position of accountability of action. They will think about what time or resources are available and the response will be "Yes" or "No". If your outcome requires a specific accountability using effective communication like 'would' or 'could' will soon empowering others into action.

Questions are another powerful way language can be used to create even more fulfilment in the lives of yourself and others' immediately.

The way we use our mind is just like any other part of the body. Through conditioning, by focusing on what you want, you will train your mind to see what you want and get what you want.

A great exercise is to start asking the question "Is my focus on what I want or what I don't want?" This should be questioned in all areas of life, Business, Relationships, Leisure and Heath. The reality is if you focus on what you want, you get what you want.

If bad things are happening you may find that you keep saying to yourself out loud "I cannot believe this keeps happening". Your outcome and results are a direct reflection of your focus, both conscious and unconscious. How great would it be to start having amazing things happening all the time? You will then be saying "I keep focusing on fantastic/outstanding/wonderful/brilliant things and they are happening to me in all areas of my life".

Let's look at what we say and the instructions we give ourselves when it comes to health. The most over used statement in health is, "I want to lose weight," or "I want to lose fat".

Yet on further questioning, our mind cannot answer the question we repeatedly ask. Just how do you specifically lose weight or fat? A common response may be, "I don't know. All I want to do is lose it off my body." You ask again, "So how do you lose it"? Often the same reply is looped repeatedly back again and again.

Some clients say, "All I wanted to do was to lose weight off my stomach. When I finally did lose it of my stomach it appeared on my bum and thighs." In the end, the mind cannot find a logical answer for the 'lose weight' question. It keeps asking how, without ever getting an effective solution. The mind also has other concerns over the question of 'lose'. The mind associates 'lose' or 'lost' with pain, not pleasure. If we lose things such as money, a close relationship or our car keys, for example, we get angry, sad or frustrated. The mind cannot associate pleasure to the statement 'I want to lose fat' because if we lose anything else in life we have pain.

The solution is to ask your mind a question that can give a pleasurable answer. Shift the focus of the mind to ask a question that the body can answer. A powerful question that works is "How can I order/prepare food that will allow me to burn fat effectively and have increased energy immediately?" You will soon start to see amazing things happen.

The question needs to be one that the body can answer with certainly. It can then make effective choices of food that will process more effectively through the digestive system. It can make choices of activities to increase energy usage. It can increase the body's temperature and metabolism to burn more fat continually. The body can effectively respond with a range of actions to such a great question. Plus using the words 'even more' tricks your mind into thinking that it is already burning fat so it knows it is a task it can do and will burn fat even more, increasing the momentum of successful fat loses.

When it comes to creating a relationship, language can ether enhance or sabotage it.

If someone has not been in a relationship for a while and you ask what they are looking for in a life partner they will usually say, without hesitation, all the things they do not want. You say, "No, I would like to know what you want in a life partner." They may look hurt and then say. "I just told you what I want." Then they go straight into even more detail about what they don't want. Stop them and say, "You have told me twice what you don't want. Could you tell me what you ultimately want in a life partner, what you see in them, what they sound like and what feelings you will have when they are in your life." They most likely have no response or pause then say in defence without any certainty "I just know".

Their focus is on what they don't want, which is often why they say that each previous partner had the same problems. They may comment that they seem to always attract people who don't fit into their beliefs and values or vice versa. In shifting their focus and asking their minds a better question, such as what they want in a partner/relationship. Plus who they have to be to attract and maintain a fulfilling relationship, they will soon start to see amazing qualities in people they meet and will soon attract the life partner/relationship they want.

When it comes to money and being short of funds when shopping, we often start off by saying ether out loud or to ourselves, "I can't get that" or "I can afford anything", or "I cannot afford to get this." All the time our language and focus is continually on scarcity. We should ask ourselves a question like, "How can I fill my shopping trolley with even more food items than ever before with this amount of money?" By shifting the language we use, our mind will start to shift away from scarcity and towards abundance and the amazing options that creates.

Questions and the use of language are another powerful way to create even more fulfilment in ones life and others right now.

If we can learn to communicate to ourselves and others that will empower, create abundance or motivate or mind with powerful positive options that would be important wouldn’t it?

John Gearon